#Expectations in Life

Every individual has some expectations in life. Having expectations is not bad. But the question is, how to deal with our expectations? We have certain expectations from ourselves as well as from others during our lives. Our expectations are not always the same throughout our life's journey. It varies at different stages of our lives. When we talk about our expectations of ourselves and others, we should not forget that others also have expectations of us. If we discuss our expectations of ourselves and others, we can clarify what others expect of us.

Let us first discuss our expectations. It varies during various stages of life. During childhood, one has many expectations from parents to fulfill their needs. A child expects love and affection from parents. A child expects a caring attitude from their parent. A growing child expects their parent to create a congenial atmosphere at home, which will aid in the child's overall development. Children consider their parents as role models and therefore expect them to have maturity and behave responsibly. A child during the adolescence stage expects proper guidance from parents. During the adolescent stage, a child expects their parent to be a friend, philosopher, and guide. A child also has some expectations from teachers. A child expects a helpful attitude from teachers in addressing academically related issues. A child also expects proper guidance from teachers, not only in academic matters, but also in other areas, such as interpersonal relationships and social behaviors. During childhood, we had most of the expectations from others than from ourselves.

As we grow, the expectations of others of us also gain importance. During our adulthood, our family members, including our spouse, children, and parents, have expectations of us. Our family members expect us to take care of them and to fulfil their basic needs. In the workplace, our boss and colleagues have expectations of us. Even the society in which we live has some expectations of us. The society expects us to maintain peace, harmony, and cleanliness in the locality. The State in which we live also has some minimum expectations of us. The state expects us to abide by the rules and regulations it has framed, pay the required taxes to the State, and contribute to the nation's development and progress.

During the adult stage, we have some expectations of ourselves. We have expectations of having a job that we like and are interested in. We have expectations of having a life partner of our choice and forming a family. We have expectations to have a good house, a car, and a good bank balance. We have expectations of achieving good and stable earnings, making progress in our profession, and providing the best education to our children. During this stage, one has very few expectations from others. One has expectations of commitment and loyalty from spouse, respect from children and fellow beings, polite behaviors from others, and respect in society.

During old age, i.e., after retirement from job and profession, expectations of others on us drastically reduce. During this stage, our children are already grown up and no longer have any expectations from us. Since we are retired from our job and profession, there is hardly any question of our erstwhile boss and colleagues expecting anything from us. The only person who keeps expectations on us is our spouse or life partner. During the transition phase of entering retirement life, it becomes a challenge for many senior citizens to handle the situation when others' expectations of them are drastically reduced. Many senior citizens feel depressed after retirement when they realize that their colleagues are no longer expecting any suggestions related to work from them. During this phase of life, many senior citizens start expecting from others, particularly family members. They hope that family members should seek their opinions or suggestions before taking any crucial decisions.

It is better to view situations of non-expectations from others in a positive light. During old age, it is natural to have very few or no expectations of others. It is one way better for seniors, as it reduces their responsibilities and helps them lead the rest of their lives with less stress and worry. Instead, it will allow them to lead their lives in their own way. It is better not to have expectations from others, including family members, during this stage of life, as unfulfilled expectations can lead to unhappiness. It is fair enough to have expectations of oneself to stay motivated and lead a fulfilling life. While setting expectations for oneself, it is better to evaluate the chances of their fulfillment based on one’s resources and capacity. Any expectation of oneself that exceeds one's capacity may lead to its non-fulfillment, ultimately bringing unhappiness. It is advisable not to repent for unfulfilled expectations from the past. Instead, one should cherish the memory of expectations that have been fulfilled.

One should not forget that during old age, the only person who can have expectations from you is your spouse. Express your self-expectations freely to your spouse and allow her/him to do the same with you. Few expectations may be common. Make a sincere effort to fulfill your common expectations, as well as your self-expectations and those of your spouse. Joint efforts will be more helpful not only for its fulfillment, but also for developing understanding and creating a strong bond. ‘Manage expectations and accept both its fulfillment and non-fulfillment’ is the mantra to stay happy during old age.

 

#Happiness and Peace

Is there anyone in our world who wants neither peace nor happiness? I have not found such a person in my life. Please tell me in the blog's comment section if anyone finds such a person. Everyone wants happiness and peace, but that’s another thing, and not everyone has both. Some people do not have any of them. 

2. Happiness and peace share a deep relationship and enhance each other. Both contribute to sound health, including mental health. Peace is a calm state of mind. It stays the same, no matter what happens outside. Happiness is an emotion. It changes based on events and external factors. You can feel happy when you achieve things. But you can also find peace even without any achievements. Happiness is momentary, but peace is long-lasting.

3. Getting something, whether real or not, makes a person happy. But this may not always be true. Some people feel happy about small wins. Others aren’t satisfied, even with significant achievements. Happiness and achievement levels differ for each person.

4. Peace is a calm state of mind. It helps you stay composed during chaos and challenging times. In tough situations, a person might not feel happy. But they can still find peace. This peace allows them to make better decisions. Enough wealth and money may give happiness but may not always provide peace. You may find a person in a hand-to-mouth condition but having peace of mind. Such a person may not be happy but is living in peace.

5. Let us discuss the situation when a person is happy but not peaceful. Although happy, there may be several reasons for a person not having peace. A person can feel happy due to wealth, money, or personal achievements. These can be both tangible and intangible. However, a person may not have peace for several reasons. Guilt consciousness is one of the main reasons for not having peace. There may be several reasons for guilt consciousness. Hurting or insulting another person may give rise to guilt consciousness. Using illegal or unethical methods to get what you want can lead to feelings of guilt. Worry also disturbs our peace. Some people tend to worry for no reason. These worries can prevent them from experiencing a peaceful life. Unnecessary doubts raise our fears and keep us from having peace of mind. Few people may have lifetime achievements but are not at peace because of a fear of loss. Fear of loss disturbs peace. Persons accustomed to comparing themselves with others cannot live in peace. Such persons are always in competition with others as regards achievements in life. These people are unhappy with what they’ve achieved. They only feel satisfied when they think others have achieved even less. Such comparisons generally develop jealousy, which disturbs peace.

6. Let us discuss the situation when a person is peaceful but unhappy. People without guilt, worries, or jealousy live in peace. They don’t doubt themselves or fear loss. Plus, they keep a positive mindset. By "without guilt," I mean that a person is not doing the things that may cause guilt consciousness. You should feel guilt for actions that harm others, whether you meant to or not. These individuals may not like bad situations but still find a way to maintain peace. They never repent for non-achievements in the past. These people don’t feel jealous of others' successes. They also don’t compare their achievements to those of others. They never compete with others. Such persons never carry a grudge against another person. Some people may feel unhappy due to financial issues, crises, or not meeting their goals. But they live in harmony by accepting their unhappiness. They don’t let it disrupt their inner peace.

7. Now, let us discuss when a person experiences peace and happiness. Happiness often comes from having a steady income and achieving goals. A person's attitude toward their success and achievements brings peace. They feel thankful to the Almighty and those who help them succeed. A person may achieve success, but at the same time, another person may not achieve that success. A person with a positive attitude doesn’t flaunt their happiness around others. Instead, they offer support and encourage them to try again next time. A person with an attitude has empathy for others. Such persons never compare their achievements with others.

8. Every person wants to live a life of happiness and peace. People link happiness to various achievements, both seen and unseen. But sometimes, that doesn’t happen. One has to find happiness in small achievements. Many people overlook small joys, but some can uncover great happiness. The child can be happy with small things. Then, why not we adults? As we age, what makes us happy shifts. We no longer find joy in small achievements. One can always find the reasons for happiness if one desires. We have to make our mindset to find the reasons for joy. One can also find happiness in another person’s achievements. Are we not happy with the successes of our spouses and children? Sure, everyone becomes satisfied with the accomplishments of their family members. Make it a habit to celebrate the achievements of everyone around you. Be happy for yourself, your family, friends, neighbours, and anyone else. Increase the domain of people to become satisfied with their accomplishments.

9. Cultivate happiness to live a life filled with happiness and peace. We describe various approaches to living in peace.

(i) Never hurt or criticize others, which may lead to a guilty consciousness.

(ii) Remove doubts and increase clarity. Clarity removes doubts and helps keep our minds calm and peaceful. It also helps to remove unnecessary worries.

(iii) Be happy with what you have and what you have achieved. Never compare yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others can lead to two feelings. If someone achieves more, you might feel unhappy. But if you achieve more, you could become complacent. Complacency may deter you from taking initiative and is a barrier to progress.

(iv) Ego is another barrier to peaceful living. There is a difference between ego and self-respect. One should not allow anyone to play with one’s self-respect. A person with a big ego tries to prove others wrong. They rarely listen to different viewpoints. Ego spoils relationships with others, which disturbs peace.

(v) Never be jealous of others' achievements. Be happy with their accomplishments and congratulate them on their achievements. This will enhance your happiness and contribute to a peaceful life.

(vi) Never hold a grudge against others, even if they hurt you. Follow the principles of forgiveness and forgetfulness for your eternal peace. You may not condone their deeds, but you can forgive and forget.

(vii) Never compete with others in any matter. Instead, cooperate with others. Cooperation benefits everyone. It strengthens bonds and allows people to live in harmony.

10. Let's focus on living a life filled with happiness and peace. We can also help others do the same. Let us spread happiness and peace in our surroundings to make our society peaceful.

 

 

#Unfulfilled Desires

Have you found anyone in your life with no unfulfilled desires? I have not. If you see someone who does, please let me know in the comments. We all know life has limits, and we must fulfill our desires during this limited lifespan. A complete lifespan has four phases: childhood, education, work, and post-retirement.

During every phase of our lifespan, we have desires. Few strong desires build up during educational and professional stages. During childhood, our parents fulfill our minimal desires. Later in our education, we find one or two strong desires. These aligned with our vision and dreams. For example, someone might want a higher education in a specific subject to build a career. In our careers, we often wish for progress and success. This includes a good salary and regular promotions. We also have personal dreams, like finding the right partner or owning a lovely home. Later in life, we seek stability and peace. One wants to have a stable passive income during this phase of life.

Are all our desires fulfilled, or are some left unfulfilled? Can anyone claim not to have any unfulfilled desires? Yes, you may find some people with no unfulfilled desires. Who are those people? Those people do not have much desire in their lives or may not have any desire. Most of us have desires, some fulfilled and others not.

We all know that we can fulfill our unfulfilled desires only during our lifetime. Some may be fulfilled, but others cannot be fulfilled once they are time-barred. Your effort can fulfill some desires, but it cannot fulfill others. Their fulfillment depends on someone else's wishes and efforts. For example, with one's effort and wish, one may become a spouse but not a parent-in-law. 

The question is how to deal with unfulfilled desires. Some desires have the potential for fulfillment, while others do not. For example, a person may have dreamed of working in medicine but become an engineer instead. It is too late to take medical courses and seek a career in the medical profession. Some specific desires become impossible after a lapse of time. You should accept that you cannot fulfill a time-barred desire. It is better not to repent for unfulfilled desires that have become time-barred. Focusing on desires that can be fulfilled is a better approach. A person who wants to write a book can start now, regardless of age.

We can't meet some desires with our own efforts. They rely on others to make them happen. Examples include a desire to become a parent-in-law or grandparent. It is better not to focus on desires that do not rely on your effort. It is better not to repent for unfulfilled desires, whether achievable or not. Act on it for its fulfillment instead of repenting if it is attainable. Don't expect your children to fulfill your own unachieved dreams. They have their own paths to follow. For example, a person desired to become a lawyer but could not. It is not advisable to expect their child to become a lawyer. Relying on others to fulfill your dreams can lead to unhappiness if they don't.

For a happy and peaceful post-retirement life, don’t dwell on unfulfilled desires. If they are achievable, take steps to fulfill them. Also, avoid having expectations from others (including your spouse and children).