Interpersonal Relationship During Post Retirement Life - Challenges and Remedies

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I emphasised on the importance of interpersonal relationship in my previous post. One of my friend and old colleague suggested me to write on challenges in maintaining interpersonal relationship and its remedies. I am therefore writing this article focussing on challenges in maintaining good interpersonal relationship during post retirement life and its remedies. 

2. Interpersonal Relationship during Post Retirement Life: After retirement there is a sudden decline in the number of persons in your regular contact. This decline is due to your separation from the organisation in which you were working. During working life, the number of people in your contact increases due to working relationship with your colleagues irrespective of organisational hierarchy and also due to customer relationship i.e., relationship with the customers of organisation in which you are working. The wideness in the number of regular contacts depends on the nature of work that you are handling in an organisation. For example, if you are looking after Human Resources then your area of contacts within and outside the organisation will be wide. Area of contacts of public servant is even wider due to their nature of work which increases their exposure to public in large. After retirement there is a sudden shrink in the number active regular contacts which are mostly due to drastic reduction in contacts of your colleagues and customers. This is but natural and it happens with every person after retirement. One should be mentally prepared for this at least one or two years before retirement. 

      The question of interpersonal relationship with a person arises when you are in contact with that person. The question of interpersonal relationship does not arise with the persons with whom you are no more in contact. After retirement your interpersonal relationship with your spouse, family members, relatives, friends, neighbours, etc., matters.  

3. Challenges in interpersonal relationship: There are challenges in interpersonal relationship with various persons after retirement. However, the challenges are not same in every type of relationships. Let us discuss these challenges vis-a-vis its remedies in details.

3.1 With Spouse: 

The interpersonal relationship with spouse matter most and therefore should be given the top priority. You need to maintain good interpersonal relationship with spouse throughout the life as you and only your spouse will be together for maximum period during the journey of your life. After retirement your most of the time during the day will be spent with your spouse. There are instances where interpersonal relationship with spouse gets deteriorated after retirement mostly due to not giving enough personal space after retirement. Further, instead of helping spouse in domestic work many persons start supervising the work after retirement and start giving unnecessary suggestions in connection with the work. Your spouse may feel uncomfortable with your supervision and suggestions since before your retirement she was in the habit of doing work independently without your supervision and suggestions. Instead of supervising extend your helping hand to your spouse in carrying out domestic work. After retirement your presence in home should not be boring but interesting to her. Develop the habit of listening more to your spouse instead of speaking more. Many persons share their experiences during working life to spouse which is not at all interesting to her. Instead of telling working life experiences talk about enjoyable moment in your life in which your spouse was also involved. After leading a long journey of togetherness with your spouse there are lot of real stories on you and your spouse which you can share in your spare time. Cherish good memories together. Never come in the way of personal freedom of your spouse. 

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3.2 With Family Members: 

After spouse the interpersonal relationship with family members matter most. Family includes your spouse, parents, children, daughter-in-law, son-in-law and grandchildren. Challenges in maintaining interpersonal relationship with spouse have already been discussed in previous paragraph.                                                                                                                            After retirement very few persons are having both the parents living. In most of the cases they have either single living parent or no living parent. Your parent needs your attention and they expect caring attitude from you. Be sympathetic with them and take care of their health. You can spend more quality time with them which will make them happy.                                            

     

  For improving your interpersonal relationship with your young family members i.e., son, daughter, son-in-law and daughter-in-law one important thing should be kept in mind that they hardly have any free time during the day as they are busy in their professional life as well as family life. They are having very limited time to spend with you. Be empathetic with them and never expect much attention from them. You should interact with them for important things during their free time. Never interfere in their personal matters and never give them unnecessary advices.     

      If your children's family is staying with you or vice versa then you need to pay your special attention in maintaining good interpersonal relationship with your grandchildren. It is not at all difficult to maintain good interpersonal relationship with grandchildren. If your grandchildren are not at school going age then you can give maximum time to them and they will enjoy your company as they are not always getting the company of their parents due to engagement in their profession. You can build good interpersonal relationship with them by telling them good and interesting stories. Be like a child when you are in the company of your grandchildren. Play with them and enjoy their company. 

      If you are having your own house and your children are settled in another town or city then it is advisable to stay in your own house with your spouse instead of staying with your children. You can visit to their place when they call or invite you. If you are staying with your spouse in your own house then you can enjoy your life with more freedom and your relationship with your children will also be cordial. Frequent and unnecessary visit to Children's residence may spoil your interpersonal relationship with them.

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3.3 With Relatives: After retirement many persons try to rebuild relationship with their relatives as their bondage with relatives got weakened during their active working life because of too much engagement in professional and family life. Even many persons remained unconnected with their relatives during their active working life. It is hard reality for most of us. After retirement when our children get settled in their job or profession and staying away from us, we suddenly feel to re-establish contacts with our relatives. It became very difficult to again establish contacts with them after a long gap. There is a mental barrier which will not allow you to make a first call to them. Breaking ice is the main challenge in re-establishing contacts with relatives. However, if you want to re-establish contacts with them then you have to take initiative to break the ice by making a first call to them. You may not be knowing that they may also be in the same boat and are looking for re-establishing contact with you. Always talk about positive things whenever you are talking to your relatives, appreciate their good works and extend your helping hand to them in case of their needs. Never interfere in their personal and family matters and never allow them to interfere in your personal and family matters.

3.4 Friends: 

There is a drastic reduction in the number of friends after retirement due to cessation of working relationship with office colleagues. Out of 100 office colleagues hardly 8-10 will remain your friends. During our active working life most of us lost contacts with our school and college days friends due to involvement in professional and family life. Therefore, after retirement our friend circle become very limited. It is therefore necessary to build strong bondage with our existing limited friends. It is useless to visit office frequently to develop interpersonal relationship with your ex-colleagues. Please remember, your presence in the office after retirement is not welcomed in true sense. Even if there is a need to visit office due to your personal work relating to your pension, etc., restrict your visit to the Department dealing with your personal work and thereafter for your relaxation and taking snacks go to cafeteria or office canteen where you can meet your ex-colleagues. Never meet your ex- colleagues by making visit to their place of work. Even if you want to meet any of your ex-colleagues make appointment as per their convenience and meet them in cafeteria or office canteen. If your ex-office colleague is really interested in you, he or she will definitely meet you in the canteen. Do not bother at all even if they don't meet because you have visited office for your personal work and not with the intention of meeting them.  

            It is better to strengthen your bondage with your limited friends who are really interested in you. Strengthen relationship with your limited friends but keep touch with many known people as you don't know any of them may come forward for your help during your crisis or you may also be helpful to them during their crisis. 

3.5 Neighbours: Maintaining interpersonal relationship with neighbours is also important. One can choose friends but one cannot choose neighbours. If you want to change neighbours then you have to change your residence. Privacy and other issues relating to residence like common boundary, common wall, etc. may raise certain disputes with your neighbours. Such disputes are big barrier in maintaining healthy interpersonal relationship with neighbours. One thing everyone should keep in mind that in case of any emergent situation which needs immediate attention, the nearest person to whom you can approach is your neighbour. Therefore, it is very much essential to have cordial relationship with your neighbours so that you can feel free to seek their help in case of emergency. If there is any issue with your neighbour you can solve it by mutual discussion over a cup of tea or coffee. There is no issue in the World which cannot be solved across the table. 

4. Conclusion: Your post retirement life will be happy and peaceful if you are having good interpersonal relationship with the persons in your regular contacts. Good interpersonal relationship will give you peace of mind which will be helpful in improving your mental health. For maintaining good interpersonal relationship with the persons, you should have complete control over your words i.e., the words coming out of your mouth should not hurt the other person. Avoid too much intermingling with the person as it may spoil your interpersonal relationship.  Always appreciate your spouse, family members, friends and relatives for their good work. Never talk negative things with any person. Always have a smiling face whenever you are meeting any person. Smiling face is not only helpful in maintaining good interpersonal relationship but also helpful in making new friends. Thus, smiling face with positive mindset and proper choice of words while speaking will be helpful in developing good interpersonal relationship with any person. 

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Interpersonal Relationship

We often talk about interpersonal relationship whether we are in home, workplace, social events, sports, etc. In general, the question of interpersonal relationship comes whenever any work is required to be carried out by involving two or more persons. Interpersonal relationship is nothing but the relationship between two or more persons. Now-a-days, everywhere whether in Government Departments, Public Sector Undertakings, corporate sectors, educational institutions, social organisations, etc. inter personal relationship is given due importance. Why much importance is given to inter personal relationship? We will discuss in details about interpersonal relationship.

 2. Interpersonal relationship is developed whenever two or more persons are in communication with each other. That communication may be due to family relationship, working relationship, social relationship or any other relationship. Our first interpersonal relationship starts with our mother just after birth through non-verbal cues and gestures. Interpersonal relationship of every individual starts from family. We are all having interpersonal relationship with other individuals in family, school, neighbourhood, place of work, etc.

3. Interpersonal relationship is very important in every sphere of our life. Good interpersonal relationship between family members creates peaceful and healthy atmosphere in home which is required for the overall development of an individual. Good interpersonal relationship between the employees in workplace creates proper working environment by fostering mutual trusts and cooperation. Good interpersonal relationship in workplace develops team spirit which is essential for the achievement of goal of the organisation. Sharing of information fosters collaboration and develop communication within the team which is possible by having good interpersonal relationship between the team members. Good interpersonal relationship in neighbourhood and society creates an atmosphere of peace and harmony.

4. Why importance is given to interpersonal relationship? Is it possible to complete any project without any interpersonal relationship? There cannot be any project without the involvement of human beings. Human beings are social animals and therefore interpersonal relationship is automatically developed whenever they come closer for any purpose. Good interpersonal relationship helps in creating an atmosphere of mutual understanding and trust which is very much essential for the accomplishment of any task or completion of any project. It also breeds cooperation and opens up informal channel of communication which is required for obtaining honest feedback. Through informal channel of communication many information can be gathered which otherwise is very difficult or time consuming through formal communication.

   5. It is important for everyone to improve interpersonal relationship with other persons. But the question is how to improve interpersonal relationship? Good communication skill is required for improving interpersonal relationship. Good communication skill not only includes speaking but also patience listening. Only talking to other person without listening not only makes the communication incomplete but also hurt the feelings of another person. Lack of communication as well as miscommunication spoils interpersonal relationship. For good interpersonal relationship one should bury their egos. Ego is a big barrier to communication and spoils interpersonal relationship. For developing good interpersonal relationship, one should have genuine concern for other persons. Mutual respect for each other improves interpersonal relationship between the persons. If you want to maintain and improve interpersonal relationship then never ever ridicule or put down any person. It has been observed that in workplace may times one ridicule or put down his or her subordinated for not delivering as per his or her expectation. This spoils interpersonal relationship with that person. Interpersonal relationship with subordinates is also essential for the achievement of goal of the organisation. If your subordinate is not delivering as per your expectation then you need to handle it professionally by finding out the reasons for underperformance and accordingly counselling or coaching that person for making improvement in his or her performance. Focus should be on making improvement in the person which can be done by maintaining good interpersonal relationship and not by ridiculing that person. Never treat your team members as subordinates but instead treat them as your partners or colleagues. One should know to respect the other person’s view or opinion in both the cases of agreement as well as disagreement. One cannot develop good interpersonal relationship by disrespecting the view or opinion of another person. But it does not mean that for maintaining good interpersonal relationship one should always be in agreement with other person’s opinion. There are ways of communicating disagreement politely by giving due respect to one’s opinion. Before communicating disagreement, one should express gratitude for giving opinion and also communicate the points of agreement which will not only highlight one’s unbiased view to another person’s opinion but also professionalism in handling disagreement. 

 

6.   Good interpersonal relationship creates an atmosphere of peace and harmony in family, society, workplace, community and everywhere. Good interpersonal relationship reduces stress and acts as a good energy booster. It is having positive impact on our mental and physical health and gives peace of mind. It creates positivity and helps in finding out solution to every problem. Good interpersonal relationship helps in better negotiation with other persons. Good interpersonal relationship encourages the team members to go extra mile for the achievement of organisational goal. Cordial interpersonal relationship creates a win-win situation. A good leader always believes in cooperation rather than competition. Co-operation within the team can be built by maintaining cordial relationship between team members. Good interpersonal relationship develops trusts and co-operation within the team.

  7. We have discussed about the advantages of good interpersonal relationship. Let us see what are the disadvantages of poor interpersonal relationship. Poor interpersonal relationship between persons creates animosity between the persons which led to increase in stress. Any stressful situation adversely affects the mental and physical health of an individual. Poor interpersonal relationship between the persons in any organisation creates an atmosphere of fear, mistrusts, unhealthy competition and non-cooperation which ultimately affects productivity of that organisation. Such an atmosphere in any organisation is not ideal for achieving organisational goal. One cannot be a good negotiator with poor interpersonal skill. Poor interpersonal relationship creates lose-lose situation instead of a win-win situation.

     8. We all understood that there is no alternative to good interpersonal relationship. We need to develop good interpersonal relationship with everyone with whom we are in contact by using our soft skill. This will not only help in the development of an individual but also help in the development of entity, organisation, society, nation and the world. So let us start developing good interpersonal relationship with everyone in our contact starting from our family members.